Create & Cultivate
A horrible thing happened to me when I was 7 years old. The rain had
just started, when my mother and I were in the kitchen making lunch.
Chucky, my younger brother, was off participating in some sort of mischief
playing as he was fond of doing. My father was outside welding on the
car, which to this day has baffled me. Mom asked me to go get him from
outside and let me know that lunch is ready.
I ran
outside to find his limp & lifeless body lying under the car. It was
confusing and I didn't understand at the time that he was dead. I went
and told mom, and the next thing I know we are running down the road to
where my grandparents lived. The rain had short circuited the welding
machine and the car acted as a lethal conduit stealing my father's last
breath. From there on out, it was life without a father. My mother
turned to alcohol, drinking as an escape to dull the pain.
My
brother and I were left to grow up on our own, leaving us to discover
what it mean to be a man on our own. Sure there were men in our lives,
but more often than not, they left a bad example, further supporting my
mother's drinking habits. As far as I can tell, she met all of them in a
bar.
It
is no surprise then, that I entered into my marriage without a clear
picture of God's intent for manhood. My definition was poorly defined, a
piecemeal of sorts, as I sought out mentors in the congregations I grew
up in. This week's reflection on authentic manhood, took me back to
redefining my own manhood and touch on some sore points that accurately
described me in the initial stages of my marriage.
Pulled
straight out of Genesis, we see that man was designed from the very
beginning to do two things: create & cultivate. Made in His image
(Gen. 1:27), we reflect God's initial
actions in the Garden. And ultimately, we see that Adam failed this
image. He sat idly on the bench, while his wife was making the worst
play in her entire life. At any point in time, Adam could have stepped
in, put his foot down and lead his family in the right direction. This
connects with me as I have seen some huge mistakes in my marriage that I
could have prevented; some foxes in the vineyard who stole precious
time, intimacy, & resources right from under our noses. And I
watched idly as he did so.
While the story of
the first man starts in Genesis, it doesn't end there. God was kind
& loving, redeeming in his actions. While they were forced to leave
Eden because of their sin, God clothed our fore parents and continued to
help them prosper in a sin stained life. Ultimately, God saw fit to
extend that grace through Christ redeeming all of us from the first flaw
(Romans 5:8) and through His example we can travel back to our original
purposes.
In
my own marriage, it has been difficult to navigate life without a clear
definition of my role as a man. I am thankful for the grace Christ has
shown during my many failures. I am striving to create & cultivate a
life that reflects this grace, all the while communicating with my wife
and especially my children what it means to have God has their Father,
for He alone surpasses my mistakes and fills in the gaps dug from a life
with an alcoholic mother and no earthly father.
What about you reader? What do you see as the purpose of men in your life?
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